“Magic: the Rap” available on iTunes now!!
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Lyrics:
I got my black backpack
and I’m ready to roll
with my crew, everybody
yeah, it’s out of control
got an itch, I’m-a scratch it
and it’s gonna be tragic
I got a big ol’ hankering
aw yeah, for playing some Magic
so I’m busting out my cards
gonna make me some decks
You gonna pack them full of spells?
Baby, what you expect??
Got my dice, got my sleeves
got my life count meter
you talk to any girls today? No.
Yeah, me neither
I’m a Planeswalker
oh, I’m a master of sorcery
a Lightning Bolt to the dome
if you ever come close to me
try me in a battle
and I won’t be worse
you’re messing with
the baddest mother in the multiverse
Mono red, mono black
blue control, stompy greeny
gonna take you down
my strategy is white weenie
tapping all my mana
I pay the entwine
you never saw a mystic wizard
casting spells sweet as mine
but I only tap plains
ain’t nobody can touch me
I like white weenie so much
they call me Jerry Sandusky
you fellas want to
play this other game
the cards are kinda smaller,
I can grab it?
Nah, son!
we’re playing Magic!
up at work
oh man, I’m clamoring
when I’m speakin’ in my sleep
and when I’m stammering
when I’m thinkin’ in the sink
and when I’m lathering
all I’m thinking about is playing
Magic the Gathering!
starting up a new game
I’m a roll my D20
gonna play first, aw yeah
it’s gonna be money
Draw seven cards
and I look at my hand
I’m like a Palestinian
I ain’t got no land!
Peel six cards
hand looks alright
look at Carl Icahn
looking for a proxy fight
What, I can’t use proxies?
No, you can’t. Well why can’t I?
Because unlike the state of Georgia
you ain’t got a Savannah
Rampant Growth, Rampant Growth
dropping lands like a fool
accelerating into trees
like Oksana Bayoul
because my deck straight features
big fat creatures
turn them sideways and then
I’m gonna beat ya
What you playing? Tribal Cats.
Man, that deck’s lookin’ stupid
you should call it kitty litter–
all you’re doing is scooping
Switching to Fish
you’re about to get bent
I thought you only played white, Remy
yeah, but it’s Lent
Looking to buy?
Well, guy, I be your man
I’m your one stop shop
when it comes to contraband
collectable foils
best check on your eyelids
so many $10 cards
you’d think that this was Papyrus
Got any Standard rares?
Give this a quality good look
it’s got more Type II
than a Paula Dean cookbook
I don’t see any counterspells
my supplies are scary
need so much permission, man
you’d think I was married
Attack phase!
I’m using the stack and
go 187
all up on your dragon
Attacking!
Wait, how’d that dude get bigger
You’re like Plaxico Burress–
you don’t understand triggers
Think I’ll be defeated?
Better check your sobriety
The only thing that I ain’t beaten
is my social anxiety
Drop a Serra Angel
and I’m moving fast
Tap my mana
THEN I TAP DA–oh wait.
It’s Vigilant.
Sorry.